You slowly learning that you will never feel alone ever again because you are the mother to a son and that will never change. As far as realizations go, this is both liberating and terrifying. Liberating in that living with unconditional love in your heart frees you from seeking love out. Terrifying in that loving someone so hard makes you vulnerable to hurt and pain. Along with every memorable moment, there is the possibility that something might go horribly wrong at any time.
You slowly learning that your life has changed. You no longer able to do the things that were once easy, mostly for logistical reasons. You cannot simply meet a friend for coffee or a drink at the last minute because socializing requires quite a bit of forethought. You cannot indulge a whim to hit the town to a friends’ party without planning far in advance, or begging for a babysitter. Your day to day existence has shifted permanently to accommodate your little one. But you not at all resentful. You want to be with your baby pretty much always anyway.
You slowly learning that your own needs are secondary to those of the tiny creature you have created. Not because you an especially generous or kind individual, but because that is what being a mom requires. There is no avoiding it, really. When a baby needs to eat, you instinctively feed him. When he need a new diaper, you do not let him sit in his soiled nappy for longer than absolutely necessary. When he cry, you work to comfort and calm him down.
You slowly learning that when you are a mom, you can no longer be so particular about things. You eat what you can, when you can. You will not always be entirely satisfied, but you will barely register lack of satisfaction since there simply isn’t enough time. You get your nails and your hair done far less frequently than before, not because you are any less vain, but because you forget to care about your own appearance. At some point, it becomes easier to recall how many diapers you changed the day before than what you ate for lunch that very afternoon
You slowly learning that You are a different person now. And that that is okay. It would be impossible to remain the same. Your former self, plus motherhood. Actually it does not saying that being a mom requires abandoning every aspect of your former identity, or becoming better in any way. But it does require making tough choices, and learning. It demands stripping your old self down to her core, and choosing which pieces of her are worth preserving, and which pieces you are better off ditched. It requires taking a hard look at yourself through the eyes of the person who’s pretty much programmed to adore you and to mimic your every move. It requires softening your heart, and toughening your soul.
