New job means new coworkers and new environments. Making friends is not as easy as it was in kindergarten but it is doable if you keep an open mind. And take enough time to understand each ones behavior. Lots of people have been asking this question. “Is making new friends a difficult thing to do?” It is or maybe not. So together lets check, what are the best ways to win people over at work. Not by force but with kinder, gentler means.
１Listen up
Think you can win friends with your gift of gab? Think again. When subjects were asked to rate former work colleagues, scientists found those with the most influence were the best listeners not talkers. Many academic and popular accounts stress that those capable of effective expression speaking up and holding forth often garner influence. But research suggests otherwise: “Those who listen well may reap both informational and relational benefits that make them more influential.” The reason? Hearing what colleagues have to say fosters two key elements for gaining influence: forming trust and learning new information.
２Forget ststs, Get Persnoal
Numbers may not lie, but it looks like they may not have the same powerful effect as personal stories. Trying to get others behind you on a particular cause or agenda? Appeal to their emotions, and skip the stone-cold facts even when they’re irrefutable. When the study authors evaluated subjects’ reactions to a charitable cause, grim stats still didn’t move them to action as much as personal stories that tugged at their heartstrings.
３Smile genuinely (and don't keep eye contacts for too long).
To just “grin and bear it” may not do you any good when you’re trying to gain influence. People can usually tell you’re faking it. Drum up a real smile, and you can actually persuade people you’re authentic and trustworthy. Even when you’re good at showcasing your Duchenne, be sure you don’t hold the gaze of the listener for too long or you’ll undermine your persuasion. A study suggests that eye contact may actually make people more resistant to you, especially if they’re inclined to disagree with you in the first place. Looking into someone’s eyes can also be perceived as an attempt to “stare down” or exert dominance. Looking at the other person’s mouth can help take the edge off in a potentially heated conversation.
４Don't avoid apologizing.
Saying you’re sorry doesn’t undermine your influence (as long as you use it sparingly, and when you’ve genuinely done something you know you shouldn’t have). Rather, it can strengthen your appeal to those around you. Researchers discovered apologies can build trust in those around you by demonstrating “empathetic concern.” In another study on the effectiveness of apologies by managers, Israeli study authors concluded similarly that apologizing is more effective than not. In fact, “the less expected they are, the greater their effectiveness.”
Give lots (and lots) of Praise.
Don’t skimp on the compliments, even when you actually want to improve the performance of those around you. When study subjects were praised for their sequential finger-tapping ability, their actual fine motor skills improved after a mere 24 hours (a time gap chosen so they wouldn’t have time to practice) thanks to the compliments they received. “These results are the first to indicate praise-related improvements in motor skill memory are not due to a feedback-incentive mechanism, but instead involve direct effects on (improving motor skills). How can we apply this on the job? Praise the new assistant who got through her first week without (too many) glitches. It will set the tone for her to put her all into a workplace that appreciates her skills.
We’re all in this together.
